The semester from hell is finally over. What a semester it was. Between Adult Health, the killer class from hell, and problems I had with one of the clinical instructors, it was a semester to remember, for good and for bad.
Everything was humming along smoothly. Pretty smoothly, anyway. The thing with Julie always threatened to cause more problems. We did go out after I last posted. We had our little “bury the hatchet” thing where we said what we had to say to each other. I don’t think she ever really got over what I said about her though. Anyway, the semester was coming along; everything seemed to be going pretty smoothly. My grades were pretty good, I was definitely learning a ton of stuff. My instructors seemed to think I was doing fine. Then the shit hit the fan right around Halloween.
It was the Saturday before Halloween, actually. It was the first of three Saturdays I would spend at Brooks Rehabilitation hospital. Another new hospital, new people to meet, see another facility’s way of doing things. Sounds great, right? Well, around this time, the semester had definitely taken its toll. I think everyone was sort of dragging themselves through the days by this time. When you’re taking 18 credits and doing the hours we were doing, that’s probably inevitable.
The patient I was assigned for my rehab clinical experience was very intriguing and I learned a lot from him. Anyway, I noticed that his PICC line dressing needed to be changed and told my clinical instructor, someone who I had not met before. She said ok, and that we’d do that later in the day. Then we went to lunch. We ate and were on our way back from lunch, all twelve of us, and she stopped in the gift shop to get her Peppermint Patty bar, which she said had become a routine for her. After she’d gotten it, I was right behind her, and said, “You know what, you kinda look like Peppermint Patty.” You know, the Peanuts comic strip character. And she did look like her. Anyway, I got a pretty nasty look for that comment.
Later in the day, right at the very end in fact, I went and got her so we could do this PICC line. This was a horrible experience. I’d done two previously with other clinical instructors and done fine. With this patient, it was going to be a unique challenge. Let’s just say that he would squirm and curse and complain endlessly if you ever moved his arms. So my instructor was holding his arm at an angle to allow me to change the dressing. He was yelling and cursing at her and even threatening her from the start. Then, I made a mistake about my sterile field, and she started yelling. And when this lady starts yelling, she looks like she’s going to hit you. So I got flustered and kept making more mistakes which made her yell more. It was a bad, ugly scene. When it was over she berated me up and down. Said she was not happy with me at all and that I’d better know how to do a PICC line the next time we were together. I know how to do a PICC line, actually, I just didn’t perform well with her and my patient both yelling. Anyway, that day ended. That night, we had a big Halloween party at my condo. That was fun, although I had this incident in the back of my mind, until Julie came. She showed up and acted strange to everyone. She is definitely mentally disturbed. She left soon after, and I was relieved.
The next Thursday, I was with this clinical instructor again. We were again at a new hospital, this time Baptist downtown. I knew she was going to have me change the dressing on a patient I was assigned who was comatose. But she did more than that. She came early in the morning into my patient’s room to have me give a patient her meds. I’d found an error on the MAR at Baptist. See, Baptist still uses paper for everything, even the MAR, and it was clear to me that a med had been written down wrong. I forget the med and what it was written as, but it did not exist in my brand new drug guide. The clinical instructor couldn’t find it either. When she asked the nurses at the station what the deal was with this drug, they said to just look in the patient’s pouch for something that looked like it. She was very upset with them for saying that, and understandably so. But again, she was set off. We went in to administer the meds. At one point I was closing the safety cap on a needle of a type I hadn’t used before, and she yelled at me for using my fingers, saying I needed to use a cabinet or the side of my leg so as to avoid a needle stick. Then later, I injected the patient without saying the usual "you're going to feel a little pinch" first. Even though this patient was comatose, I knew to do this, but she had me frazzled again. It was during this particular time that I actually thought she was going to hit me. She had this look on her face, and I swear she feigned a slap, because I remember actually ducking. Later, she worked with me with another patient to draw blood. She treated me like a piece of crap throughout this time. Then, at the end of the day we did the PICC line for the comatose patient, and again I made some mistakes. She said she was very unimpressed with me and that she was going to “greensheet” me. This means I was basically going to be written up.
The next few weeks, some odd things happened. First, because of some rotations, like the OR, ER, and cardiac cath lab, I did not see the other clinical instructors for a few weeks. Then, the clinical instructor in charge of the accelerated class had her mother pass away, so she was gone for a while. I worked with the lady who’d given me such a hard time again, and for once she gave me no problems at all. I was wondering if she’d reconsidered or something. Then, weeks after all the incidents, Julie called me to give me the inside scoop--that I was not only going to be greensheeted, but that the accelerated clinical director was considering not allowing me to progress. This would mean I would stay back a semester to re-take Adult Health, the hardest class there is, and re-do all the many clinical hours it entails. It’s a ten freaking credit class all together. Not only would I be held back a semester, but I would forfeit the $2500 scholarship I’d been awarded.
For a few days I worried endlessly about this. Nobody else I talked to ever had a problem with this clinical instructor, and all I ever heard was how great she was. I thought I must really suck. I later found out that there were plenty of others who had problems with her but were afraid to tell anyone for the same reason--they thought they were the only ones getting yelled at.
Finally I saw the accelerated clinical instructor again, and she said she would make me do a PICC line with her and give meds and do an assessment. I told her I was sorry if I’d disappointed her, that I knew how to do these things, but this lady made me very nervous. When the time came for me to do these things, there were no problems, and she even complimented me on how well I did. Then the next day this same lady caught up with me in the chart room. She told me I was going to progress but that I needed to work on some things. She said that I:
1) tend to come across as "flippant". Well, I can't really argue with this. I am definitely a smartass, although I don't think I am this way to piss people off, it's more just to amuse myself and others. She's right in that while I'm in this program I need to curtail this.
2) need to show more compassion for my patients. This I did not understand!! I've been told by other people in my program and even other instructors that I clearly care a lot about my patients and that I have this part "down". So this is a case where she's basing everything on the few times she's seen me with patients--which I remember as very positive experiences. Not sure where she gets this from.
Right after she says this she breaks down in my arms crying saying "because you never know whose mother it is you might be taking care of." She was talking about her own mother, of course, who had just died. I never feel very comfortable in these situations. I kind of just froze.
Any way I look at it, I feel somewhat ashamed for all of this. I also grew somewhat bitter about these petty little politics that are an inherent part of this program. Add to this that I got a 68 on a Pharm paper I'd worked very hard on. I will never cease being bitter about that. Still, I knew I had to swallow my pride, suck up my ego, say yes ma’am and no ma’am, and be allowed to progress. In the end, after being made to worry so much, I finished with an A, A-, and a B.
Things with Julie finally ended officially. I think she actually does want to remain friends. We were never really an official couple. After a couple of times where she wanted me to come over or expected me to invite her over here and I didn’t, I think she got the hint. The latest is that she’s supposed to marry this guy who she calls “stalker Danny”. He’s basically hung around her for the last 7 years even though she’s told him she’s not attracted to him. Well, she had told me that she needed to get married soon. No real reason why. She made it clear she was hinting to me to ask her to marry me. There is no way in hell I was going to, and I told her that in a nice way. Almost immediately afterwards, she told me she is moving in with this guy and she expects to get a wedding ring for Christmas. He does treat her pretty well but agreeing to marry someone because “it’s time to get married” is just the insane kind of wacko stuff I’ve come to expect from her. She’s smart and pretty. But she’s also strange and isn’t very nice to most people. So, I’m kind of glad this guy has taken the onus off of me and she’s leaving me alone. She says she wants to stay friends. She calls to ask me for my advice on things because she thinks I make good decisions. If it stays that way, I’ll be fine with it.
As for the other women in my life. There’s Judy of course. For a little while, when this Julie thing was going on, she seemed to be flirting with me a lot. She was in a dead end relationship at the time also. Then, when it was over, she stopped flirting. I’m not worried about that. I still see a relationship with Judy as going nowhere. We have so little in common and the age difference would very much get in the way. Then there’s this mysterious girl I was IM’ing with whose screen name is gatorprops. I don’t know who she is or how she got my screen name. She says we met once and that we both know the same person. I’ve asked everyone I know who knows my screen name if they know who this is and they say no. Anyway she says her name is Michelle, she’s an MA who works at Baptist downtown, is taking prereqs for nursing school, lives on the northside near the airport, and is 30 years old. In our online conversations, we seemed to have a lot in common and she seemed bright and motivated. We had a sort of chemistry. She said she’d “reveal” herself to me “soon”. That was over a month ago and I haven’t seen her sign on since. I really want to know who she is and even meet her for a beer or something. She seemed so interesting, and not knowing who she was made it kind of intriguing. Lastly there’s this chick named Lisa who I met through match.com back in August. I have avoided meeting her all this time. To be honest, she does not seem like much of a match to me. Then this past Thursday we were supposed to meet but then at the last minute she was not able to make it. She seems very interested in meeting me but I just sense it would not work. I might still meet her, but I feel like it would be almost perfunctory rather than something I really want to do. I’d do it just for the “you never know” factor.
So here it is, I’m in the second week of my four week break and I feel like I have nothing going on. I tell myself it’s not a bad thing, that I don’t have money to spend on dates anyway, but in reality I want to try meeting someone over this break. If not, I’ll do what I always do, hang around with my friends, work out, read, and maybe even start studying for next semester. As for right now, I'm recovering from some annoying little bug I got. It seems to be going around. I look forward to getting back on my feet and trying to enjoy this time off.
